Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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