It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
