You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
