I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
you had me at cake vodka
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
