Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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