what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
