it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
