so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
