I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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