Who did Billy Mays play for?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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