im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
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Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
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Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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