I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's blow job season.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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