I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
