Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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