saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
