dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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