I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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