What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
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My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
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See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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