i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
