i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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