I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
