I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
