you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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