everyone is single if you try hard enough
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
