SEEEEXXX PLEASE
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
