Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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