you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
