So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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