Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
