hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
