The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
