thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
