no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
where are my eyebrows?
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