There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
