My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
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Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
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I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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