Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
