I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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