sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
