is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
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dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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