Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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