Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
