That's intense
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
