I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
