There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
