You really coming over, don't trick.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
