I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
