the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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