47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
