I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
