i think my tv is drunk
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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