Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
