he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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