She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
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as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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