How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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