we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i love accidental penises.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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