Just cropdusted the office
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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