When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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