i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
