He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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