That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
