At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
