Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
