need another drink. this is the easiest way
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
