we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
