***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
