I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
