No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
